


Koala Dialogue

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-08-11
Updated: 2001-08-11
Packaged: 2019-05-15 19:23:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14796480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: When is a bear not a bear? When it's a koala of course.





	Koala Dialogue

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

 

Title: Koala Dialogue.   
Author: Eliza J. Bailey.   
Summary: When is a bear not a bear? When it's a koala of course.   
Rating: G for fluff.   
Spoilers: None.   
Disclaimer: Belongs to Aaron Sorkin, et al. No infringement is intended, no money will be made.   
Feedback: keeps me writing :~)   
Note: This is the fourth in my Dialogue series, which includes 'Popcorn', 'Chicken' and 'Donut'. They can be found at http://eliza.4t.com

~*~*~

"Donna what does this say?"

"What does what say?"

"This...note you left on my sandwich. What's it written in? Croatian?"

"My handwriting isn't that bad Josh."

"Donna, you make 'Call Leo' look like 'God Licker' or something equally disturbing."

"I'm not talking to you."

"What?"

"I said I'm not talking to you."

"What...? Okay, what have I done this time?"

"I said..."

"I know what you said, I just want to know what I've done so I can at least try to apologise for it."

"Snipe, snipe, snipe, that's all you ever do. 'Donna, your handwriting is terrible', 'Donna, you never bring me coffee', 'Donna, you never come when I call'. You don't need an assistant Josh you need a dog. And DON'T answer that!"

\--

\--

"Okay, you can talk now."

"I'm sorry Donna."

"Speak up Josh, I couldn't quite make that out."

"I said I was sorry, okay? What d'you want me to do? Go down on my hands and knees? And DON'T you answer that either."

"Are we done now?"

"Think so."

"So we can go back to being adult people who help run a superpower?"

"I guess."

"Well then."

"Fine. And why did you leave it on my sandwich?"

"Cause I knew you'd find it there. God knows anything I leave on your desk gets swallowed into some black hole, never to be seen again."

"I know exactly where everything is on my desk."

"Josh there are things on your desk that have been sitting there since before we moved in to the West Wing. When we finally leave I expect to find permafrost under all that detritus you've managed to collect."

"It's not that bad...Okay, so it is, but can you at least tell me what the note says."

"Give it here. 'CJ wants to see you about the koalas.'"

"What, again? I thought we fixed the koalas last year."

"We did, but apparently not well enough because they're back."

"Jeez, all this fuss about a bear."

"Well, technically speaking Josh, koalas aren't bears."

"They're not?"

"No."

"They look like bears."

"They're not bears."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Then why are they called bears?"

"Only people who don't know they're not bears call them bears."

"Then what should I call them?"

"Koalas."

"But I like 'koala bear'. It has a nice ring to it."

"Maybe so, but you'd be wrong if you referred to them as such."

"How come they're not bears?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Probably not, but hey, I'm feeling reckless. Prevail upon me the Donnatella Moss version of why a koala bear isn't a bear. But make it quick 'cause I've got a meeting with some guy from the Appropriations Committee in half an hour."

"Twenty minutes Josh. Your watch sucks."

"Whatever. Bears Donna."

"Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you."

"Duly noted. Proceed."

"Right, well a koala isn't a bear because bears, like humans, are placentile mammals. Koalas, on the other hand, are marsupials. Marsupials are mammals that give birth to undeveloped young who then complete their development outside the mother's body, usually in a pouch."

"Like a kangaroo."

"Exactly. Koala's were misnamed 'bear' during the early exploration of Australia because of their perceived resemble to real bears, but they're not."

"Not what?"

"Bears Josh. Haven't you been paying attention?"

"Kinda."

"Why do I bother?"

"Because you enjoy watching my eyes bulge while you bombard me with so much useless information it would put the Encyclopaedia Britannica to shame?"

"Right, that's it."

"Donna..."

"Donna..."

"Wait Donna, I'm sorry."

"Words Josh. They hurt you know. And you have a particularly strong pitching arm when it comes to words."

"I know. I'm sorry...I mean I know do tend to let my mouth take over when my mind should be in control and I end up sprouting some complete and utter gibberish that usually has nothing to do with what I should be saying, but I really didn't mean...I mean what I'm trying to say is...Donna why are you smiling?"

"Because it's so much fun watching you try and dig yourself out of a hole."

"I guess I deserved that."

"Yes, you did."

"Anything else you want to add about the bears...I mean koalas?"

"Only that they spend at least twenty hours at a time sleeping and they rarely drink water"

"Why don't they drink water? Don't they get thirsty or anything?"

"They do, but most of their water is contained in the food they eat or comes from the surface of leaves in the form of dew or condensation."

"Maybe you should talk to CJ about the bears...err koalas."

"Maybe I should. Ten minutes Josh."

"Ten minutes to what?"

"Your meeting with the guy."

"Oh, yeah."

"You got the stuff?"

"Yeah, it's on my desk...somewhere."

"Don't worry, I'll find it."

"'Kay. Hey Donna."

"Yeah?"

"You doing anything on Sunday?"

"Is this going to be like the time we got donuts and ended up back here until two o'clock in the morning? 'Cause if it is, I'm like, busy or something."

"No I promise, no work this time. At least not any more than I can help."

"What did you have in mind?"

"Well, you see, the National Zoo has this Tiger Quoll. I know it's not exactly a koala, but they're both from Australia and I thought maybe you'd like to go see it or something. It's really cute, in a sort of spotty, fuzzy kinda way."

"Why Josh. I never picked you as being particularly fond of small animals. The way you yell at Cindi's cats, I mean..."

"Hey, I like small animals. Provided I don't actually have to touch them or anything."

"That's nice, Josh. Real nice."

"Was that some sarcasm there Donnatella?

"What makes you think that Joshua?"

"There's four whole days until Sunday, Donna. I could change my mind you know."

"Only if you really don't want to know what meetings you've got for the rest of the week."

"Play nice and I'll buy you some cotton candy."

"If you throw in a chocolate milkshake it's a date."

"Date?"

"You know, your voice went up a whole entire octave then. Don't worry Josh, when I say date, I mean date as in appointment and not date as in, well, date. If you know what I mean."

"Rarely. Pick you up at nine?"

"Ten. It will be Sunday."

"True."

"Five minutes Joshua."

"Four days Donnatella."

"I wonder what Tiger Quolls eat...?"

Fin

~*~*~

Koala facts were gleaned from the Friends Of The Koalas website: http://home.vicnet.net.au/~koalas/

Tiger Quoll facts can be found at http://home.mira.net/~areadman/quoll.htm

They really aren't bears you know.

  


End file.
